Beware of sweet nothings

The press has been having a field day observing Hillary Clinton and David Miliband sitting next to each other at the NATO meeting of foreign ministers, flirting and giggling together like two naughty children whose budding romance is going to be broken up at any moment by the teacher sending one of them to the back of the class.

It all started when Mrs. Clinton said in Vogue:

“Well, if you saw him it would be a big crush. I mean, he is so vibrant, vital, attractive, smart. He’s really a good guy. And he’s so young!”

Disturbingly, Miliband appears equally enamoured, leading to jokes about their “special relationship” and comparisons with Mrs. Robinson and The Graduate. Does he not realise that he needs to carry a snuffbox filled with salt when he’s with her, so he can take a pinch of it whenever she opens her mouth? Landing under sniper fire in Bosnia, being instrumental in bringing peace to Northern Ireland, being named after the conqueror of Everest five years before Edmund Hillary had even got his woolly socks packed. There are few such monumental Zebu farmers as her, even in the mendaciously competitive world of politics. Be warned, David. Just because the US Secretary of State says you’re vibrant, vital, attractive and smart does not mean it’s so.

Perhaps he should have a word with the Speaker of the House of Commons, whose student-penned “Guide to Understanding Women” has just been rediscovered. Apparently, “Women will settle for anything that breathes and has a credit card.”