Complete and Utter Zebu

Compare and contrast

Ian Clement, ex-deputy mayor of London. Claimed three meals with his girlfriend on expenses. Total cost £156.


Result? A 12-week suspended sentence and 100 hours’ community service.


Jacqui Smith, ex-Home Secretary. Put two adult films on expenses, not, apparently a “one-off” claim. Claimed £116,000 from the taxpayer for a house that turned out to be her main home. Did all she could to stop parliamentary watchdog John Lyon seeing if the logs of her police protective detail tallied with her own recollections of time spent at her “main residence”, a room in her sister’s Peckham flat. Turns out she shouldn’t have claimed the money at all.


Result? Compelled to make a mealy-mouthed apology to the House of Commons, many of whose MPs are similarly culpable yet not forced to pay the money back by the parliamentary committee on standards and privileges – composed of MPs.

She still clearly thinks she did nothing wrong. “I am disappointed that this process has not led to a fairer set of conclusions.”

Peckham’s other famous resident Del Boy would consider that a result.


Roll on the election.